So here recently I have been going through quite a slump; not only in my blogging, but also in my personal life and sadly in my faith.

A few months ago my family got the news that my grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. This is a man who played a major role in my up-bringing. My Paw-Paw is a man I always considered to be invincible, I thought that he hung the moon and stars. When I was 6 weeks old my grandparents started keeping me everyday when my parents when to work, and then when I started school they would pick me up every afternoon and keep me until my parents got off of work. So if you can’t tell, I was very close with my grandparents.

When we got the news about my Paw-Paw I wasn’t really sure how to handle it. I mean how could this have happened? Why did this happen? What could I do to help my Paw-Paw? I racked my mind with these questions. As most of you know I live on campus at the local community college, so it’s not too far from my hometown so I was driving home nearly every day to see my Paw-Paw while also going through school. It became a struggle at times, but I wouldn’t change it for anything because I was able to spend extra moments with my Paw-Paw.

One day I was able to sit with him while my grandmother ran a few errands in the town (that is one of the two times she left the house the entire time he was sick). I treasure that day so much in my heart because that was quality time that I was able to spend with my sweet Paw-Paw, we talked about the Presidential Election that was approaching at the time, and we talked about school; he was so proud of me for going to college and going into the medical field.

When I realized how sick he was getting I began to turn to my Faith more than I ever have. I prayed so hard every night for God to heal my Paw-Paw. It was all that I could do, pray, and then pray some more. When I saw that Paw-Paw wasn’t getting any better I began to get angry and started questioning God, I would ask “Why is it happening like this? Why isn’t he getting better?”. I did something I never thought I would do, I questioned Gods will.

My school work began to get the best of me and my grades started dropping. I got to the point where I hated getting up every day to go to class, started turning away from my friends, and turned away from life in general. I was in a slump.

My Paw-Paw passed away the day after Thanksgiving and that is probably the hardest day of my life. I couldn’t take it. As I sat on the porch with my family and cried with them and grieved over the loss of my grandpa I realized I turned away from my faith just when I needed it the most. I needed God to help get me through this more than I could have ever imagined. I am a type of person who likes to be alone when I am upset, I don’t like for people to see me in a moment of weakness. As my family was gathered around the house I walked down the steps and went to edge of my grandparents yard and I completely broke down. I cried to God and I prayed. I prayed for his forgiveness, I prayed for strength for my family to get through this hard time, and I prayed and thanked God that Paw-Paw was no longer in pain. I finally had a break-through.

Since then I have been becoming my old self again. I have started trying to enjoy life again and have been looking for beauty in simple things. I have been growing back closer to God. I am beginning to see the light once again, and hopefully be a light at the same time. Don’t get me wrong it is still hard grieving over the loss of my Paw-Paw and there isn’t a day that I don’t think of him, but God is helping me get through it day by day.

I am still a confused college student who is trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, but that is all part of the journey, right? I have come to the point where I can’t decide if I even like my major anymore, I have no clue what I am going to do. The only thing I know is that I am getting out of this slump and I am relying on God through it all. I am choosing to live my life to the fullest, because life is such a precious gift, and I know that my Paw-Paw wants me to make the most of everyday. I want to make him proud and I hope I can make him smile when he is watching over me. He sure is the best guardian angel I could have ever asked for. And I am so thankful for the 18 years I was able to spend with him. I miss him more than ever, I miss his stories, I miss his laugh, and I miss his smile; but now I know that he is at peace in Heaven and that is a comfort unlike any other.

I wrote this blog for you readers who are going through a slump yourselves, I want you to know that we all go through them, but God does have a plan even if we don’t understand it. We must trust God’s timing and his reasoning. I know you begin to question it, but trust me it will get easier.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.”- Isaiah 43:2